I, personally, gave up social media in 2021. The thought of even opening facegramtokchat gives me diarrhea, a migraine, AND high blood pressure. If you can use that crap without wanting to poop everywhere, good on you. I won’t open it.

The only social media we need is interacting with our customers via text or email.

If that means we lose out on customers or clicks or whatever, that’s too bad, Chad. Spending time on social media instead of sanitizing a compounding hood seems like a poor choice on how I spend my time.

If you need to reach us, message us via text or email.

Short version: After hours pick up is when you pick up after hours.
Longer version: AHPU (which is the acronym for after hours pick up) is when you tell us you can’t get here during the business day and you request after hours pick up. Then we secure your order in one of our FIVE vestibule lockers. Then we send you a door code, a locker number, and a locker combination, and then you PICK UP your order AFTER HOURS whenever you want. There is a camera mounted on the ceiling and we have a snapshot of your arrival and departure and every one wins.

The only time someone doesn’t win is when they request AHPU after we left for the day.

OR when they request a pick up after hours, because PUAH does not sound as cool as AHPU.

Yes you may. But unless you ask it four times in one day, it is not frequent enough to be considered a FREQUENTLY asked question.

We have yet to undo a NO FUN DETERMINATION. At present, there is no way to undo this classification. If you wish to remain OFF the NF list, please don’t be a jerk to me or my staff about things outside of my control.

Just like when people end sentences with the word “sugar”, it just feels nice to be respected and loved. Sure, it isn’t always true or possible to work faster, but dang it feels good to not be expected to drop everything to make something that has never existed on this planet before it’s paid for and before we know how to make it. Be nice to us. Or we will mark your profile NF, which stands for NO FUN.

The only automated thing here at this pharmacy is the auto responder that comes on an hour before we close on our text platform. I’ve learned, in a custom pharmacy such as mine, that automating ANYTHING is a recipe for disaster.
We set auto REMINDERS, so we are reminded that you asked for a reminder, then we remind you that you wanted a reminder and we MANUALLY remind you automatically but then we still make things manually and are automatically annoyed when you treat us like machines.

I am offended at the insinuation. I’ve been kicking words in their shins since the 1900s. The only thing we might use AI for in this pharmacy is to help generate new nicknames for Joel’s multiple personalities.

Well, why do you read them? Maybe THAT’S the real question!
And, for the record, we only include them in orders for people we like. So if you didn’t get a typed note, it’s probably because you said something mean to one of us and we flagged your profile NF, which stands for NO FUN. Or if you’ve ever been rude to one of my people, we take note and ensure we don’t spend the extra energy trying to spread joy in your general direction.
But seriously folks, the notes are our internal way of slowing down the order process ever so slightly, so we can properly convey our appreciation for the opportunity to be of service. Sure, we sell drugs, but if all of your drugs came from a grumpy dumpling, the liklihood of that drug having a positive impact on your health AND your attitude is slightly less because, believe it or not, the act of briefly and sharply exhaling out of your noseholes, is important for humanity.
The world is a dark and cruel place, and we will not contribute to that. As stated before, if you like grumpy drugs, go to Grump’s Pharmacy in Grumpydumplingville, USA. It’s next to the Shelbyville mall on the other side of the Springfield Tire Fire. **Simpsons reference 854 on this website*

You can never have too many pens. If you don’t want goodies in your order, let us know and we will mark your profile as NF, which stands for NO FUN. If you don’t want pens because you want to minimize the amount of plastic in the landfills, take the pen and leave it at your local animal shelter. They never have enough pens. Donate, recycle, or throw away our goodies; you won’t offend us, unless you ask us not to send them. THEN YOU’RE JUST LABELED AS NO FUN. No big whoop.

Absolutely. Helping you avoid ingredients that you have adverse reactions to is my favorite thing. BUT. The thing we cannot do, is help you AFTER WE’VE MADE YOUR MEDICATION prior to you divulging that you have sensitivities. BECAUSE WE ALREADY MADE WHAT YOU PAID FOR.
Just like when we ship a package and you’re like “oh but Joel, I moved from there 7 hours ago”, WE DON’T KNOW WHAT WE DON’T KNOW SO LET US KNOW SO WE KNOW, ya know?
We tell you as much as we can about what your doctor ordered before we take your money and start working on it, so please tell us what you think we should know. With the exception of you telling us that your jaw makes a clicking noise when you chew. *Wayne’s World reference number 765 on this website*

Did you seriously just ask this question? As of drafting this FAQ, it is 2026. The fact that you asked me this question tells me you watch either the wrong kind of news, or you don’t watch the news and you judge people for being informed. We will be closed every November for election day, election or not, because **motions to the outside world**.
Please vote every time.

I grew up going to a Montessori school for the first few years of my schooling, so I am hyper aware of my surroundings and have a tactile affinity for using unnecessary words. I am also finally getting around to understanding my adult ADHD, and my way of entertaining myself is through words. I assure you, I am insanely professional and incredibly good at what I do, I just get bored easily and find that spreading joy is one way that I can stay on task AND kick butt.
If you have a problem with a guy doing his best not to dive into a depression because of the disgusting nature of the outside world, go to Grump’s Pharmacy in Grumpydumplingville.

The final hour of the day is so fun, yaaas!
We wash dishes, scan the days compounding logs, clean scales, clean hoods, clean floors, clean workstation surface areas, wipe down everything, and listen to Deftones really loud (or Huey Lewis and the News on Tuesdays, because Tuesdays are Huey Lewis and the News Days, ok?). Sometimes one of us is still seated at a desk and can help out, but also sometimes that same person is scanning or sending “your order is boxed up!” messages, or something else that means we can’t texty texty or emaily emaily. We aren’t annoying you, we’re just doing fun administrative and routine maintenance stuff.
If we’re texting you after our auto responder comes on, we must really like you!

Insurance companies are not my friend. They nearly put my parents out on their butts in the early 90s and I’d rather not be out on my butt any time soon.
We will not be offended if you choose to work with a pharmacy that takes insurance. And we hope to still be open when that pharmacy closes because they chose to work with an insurance company. Here is my standard response when asked about insurance: “We do not accept insurance or any third party payment programs, and haven’t since 1996. Insurance tends to reimburse based on the cost of the chemical, but will not reimburse for labor or the equipment involved in compounding.”

You get what you pay for.
I’d rather be the pharmacy where you pay good people for good stuff instead of the pharmacy where you pay grumpy people for mediocre stuff.
Also, I spoil my staff, so they can compound your medications without stress, and also knowing they can afford health insurance and groceries and rent. And they get paid time off and paid lunch and they get paid for doing their continuing education during the workd day too, so if you want to keep them happy making happy medicines, spend your money here. We won’t be offended if our outward joy and interest in delivering a quality and spot on product isn’t your cup of bubble tea.

My answer in writing is, no absolutely not. My answer in reality is, please let us meet your emotional support animal. Most new customers look at us weird because we’re outwardly joyful, but if you bring your emotional support chicken in with you to pick up your suppositories, we’re totally cool with that. BUT, we have a rule that there are no animals allowed in the pharmacy lab itself, emotionally supportive or not.

UPS might be our preferred shipping provider, but their email notifications are DRUNK.
UPS email notifications are the specific reason why we tell you “we have your money, we’re going to make your medicine, but WE WILL TELL YOU WHEN IT SHIPS”.
Seriously. If you trust something, trust me when I tell you I cannot pull suppositories out of my rear end and ship them as soon as UPS automatically emails you that they’ve shipped. This is also a good reason why we don’t do anything automatically here because we can’t control automation when it’s dumb like the UPS emails.

Three potential reasons:
1. We’re packaging orders into bags or boxes and our hands are busy.
2. We’re intentionally ignoring you.
3. There are human (OR ANIMAL) customers in our pharmacy and they are asking why we didn’t answer the phone.

Short answer: People are mean.

Longer answer: We stopped answering the phone in 2020, at the height of the pandemic. 90% of phone calls weren’t about refills or prescriptions, they were about Ivermectin, which isn’t something we do for human oral use. Every few years there’s a new buzz topic that takes our attention away from what we actually do. During COVID it was Ivermectin. Now? It’s semaglutide ozempic wegovy tirzepatide glp thingies. If we answered the phone, we would get nothing done telling everyone “no, we do not do that”. Also, gloves are expensive, and to rip one off every time the phone rings, would be a colossal waste of money.